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"God Really Loves Me"

Nineteen years ago I received a call from my dad that my mother had passed away.  I had just talked to her the night before, and she was fine.  She had a massive heart attack and dropped dead.  I had a two and four-year-old at the time.  I needed my mother.  She was my lifeline.  She had such good advice.  I called her every day. 

I use to smoke back then, but never in my house.  Every evening as soon as I got home from work I would go out to the back patio to smoke and call my mom.  I would tell her about my day, and we would discuss what we were fixing for dinner that night

I could not think about the death of my mother without having a panic attack.  My way of dealing with her death was not to think about it.  Lucky for me we were really busy at work for the next several months. 

One evening I came home grabbed my cigarettes and phone.  I got halfway through dialing her number when I realized she was not going to answer.  She would never answer.  I would never be able to talk to her again.  I hit my knees right there and told God I had to have His help.  This was just too much for me.  I had to know my mom was okay,  If I knew she was okay, then I would be okay, but I had to know. 

At that very moment, I felt a calm come over me.  I was so at peace.  It was like a gown over my head, and all the way down to my feet and peace just flooded me.  

A few days later I was on my bed crying and missing my mother when my four-year-old climbed up on my bed and asked if I was crying because I missed Mawmaw.  I told her, yes, and she said: "well Mamaw said don't be sad."

I asked her what she was talking about and she said she had seen my mother in the sun standing next to Jesus, and my mother told her not to be sad, because she was happy, and was with Jesus.  My mother told her to be sure and tell me that too.  She asked my mother, why she didn't tell me herself, and she said my mother told her she couldn't talk to me because I didn't have enough faith.

We did not go to church at that time.  No way my daughter knew what faith was, much less the word.  I don't think she saw my mother in the sun; I believe she saw the Glory coming off of Jesus. 

I realized then that God Really loves me, and that He had heard and answered my prayer.  I have been chasing Him ever since, and He has let me catch Him.

Georgia: United States

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